Kashmir weddings
By Rukmani Naidu

A traditional wedding in India is a festive time - happiness, music, people all decked in exotic costumes is what comes in to picture. Have you ever wondered how the weddings happen in Kashmir? With the background of guns rattling, it is commendable that the Kashmiries organize weddings, for the awe stuck people of the valley these are the moments to be relished. In the past the wedding functions stretched for days together but today when the circumstances are different the wedding ceremonies have been cut down. Earlier Kashmiri weddings would take place at midnight, but these days due to uncertain circumstances (terrorism) weddings are held early in the evening. Let us see how a Kashmir wedding takes place.

Thap - the meeting

At the first glance... the bride to be meets her dream mate at a ceremony called the Thap. 'Thap' literally means to catch somebody J it is usually held outside the home, in public places like 'dargas' mosques or even the Mogul gardens. The two engage in a tete'- a-tete and decide to either share their lives or part ways. It is organized in a public place to avoid embarrassment if the boy does not approve of the girl the two can separate easily rather than meeting up at home and getting deeper in the situation. It usual the approval the guy, which counts the girl, is not always given the freedom to choose. When both of them agree for the marriage they exchange rings and flowers.

After the thap the family of the bride to be send 'Wazvan' to the family of the groom to be. The arrival of Wazvan dishes at the relatives place signifies the announcement of the engagement of the boy.

It is a formal banquet "Royal Wazwan" is an exclusive kashmiri cuisine It is prepared by the cooks, called the Wazas, they are the master chefs 'Wazvan' is an exclusive meal varieties of chicken, biryanies, sweets and the list goes on more than sixty dishes are prepared with exclusive herbs and spices. Chicken and meat form the main ingredients of the cuisine -10-15 items of mutton another 10-15 items of chicken and also many varieties of biryanis.

The weddings in Kashmir usually have forty Wazas cooking for the dinner - http://www.jammukashmirinfo.com/food/default.htm

The formal engagement

The parents of the couple's decide the engagement ceremony the can either chooses - ' Nikaah' (a religious practice more like a wedding) or 'Mabadh' (After this ceremony the girl continues to stay with her parents)

Nikaah - the wedding

The procedure for Nikhaah begins a few days before the actual ceremony. It begins with the mehendi ceremony. On the wedding day the groom's family present gifts to the bride with jewellery and clothes. Followed by which the 'Nikaah' is read by the 'Maulvi' (priest). After the girls pledges and agrees to the ' Nikaah' the girl's family sends gifts to the boy's house, which is called 'haziri'. Along with the gifts goes 'majmas' (big copper thalis) full with sweets, dry fruits, jams, fresh fruits etc.

The boy's side of the family is invited to dinner where the 'Wazvan' food is served which may consist of 30-35 dishes. The menu includes 4 to 5 different types of chutneys, 4-5 chicken dishes, and many more mutton dishes. A special item 'mudjan' (sweet pulav) is also served. 'Kehwa' a herbal tea brewed in by copper pots is served with 'Shirmal' a special type of Kashmiri Roti to the relatives.

The wedding functions are organized for three days there is no hard and fast rules for these ceremonies but they are just get togethers organized in order for both families to know more about each other:

On the day one:

'Muchravum' is a function organized at the girl's place. On this day the girl ties small plaits, which is later unbraided by all the married women of the family. Fun and merriment along with teaseling, all are part of this days celebration. The newly wedded are showered with choicest blessings by the invitees and relatives.

On the day two:

The Mehendi gets all the importance on this day, unmarried girls from the boy's family apply mehendi to the bride she is later decked in all her bridal jewellery. Followed by a dinner, the men of the family are given special treats this day they are served special food. The groom's sister applies mehendi on his little finger.

On the day three - the parting day

The baraat or the 'Yenevol' comes to the bride's house. The bride is dressed in a red lehenga. On this day her mother and aunts bath the bride, she is dressed in the traditional salwar kameez called 'ghusul'.
There is a small get together in the girl's house before the arrival of the baraat. The bride's mamis (maternal aunts) stay back for the function and when the baraatis come they are served 'kehwa'. The women from the groom's side also attend the function.
The ladies in the family sing traditional wedding songs called 'vanvun'. The groom is showered with coins and almonds. All the relatives present at this function garland the groom.
The groom is then served dinner in big plates called 'tramis'. The baraatis are served food along with phirni, halwa, rasmalai and kulfi.
The amount of the meher is fixed at this time. This usually does not exceed rupees one lakh. Meher is a sum of money, which the husband has to give his wife anytime after marriage and in case there is a divorce the amount has to be given immediately.
The groom wears a special turban called 'karakuli topi' when he enters the house. In the meanwhile the bride finishes her packing and the couple gets ready to leave.
The groom enters the car before the bride and asks for permission to take away the bride.

With all these functions the wedding comes to an end.